Are you trying to get your emotional needs met during a sales call? On the surface, most salespeople would say, "No." But the truth is quite different. Let's take a look.

To which of the following can you relate?

• You want to be liked as much as, or perhaps more than, you want to close the sale.

• You're not "assertive" enough with prospects.

• You link your self-worth to your sales success.

• You experience call reluctance, perhaps because of a fear of rejection.

• You find it difficult to deal with negative prospects.

To one degree or another all of these issues have to do with our concept of ourselves and our need for others to like us, be nice to us, or make us feel OK.

If you want to make it to the top in sales, read this Sandler concept, memorize it, and say it to yourself every day: Sales is no place to get my emotional needs met; the purpose of sales is to go to the bank.

Now, let me qualify this for those who are thinking that I'm a cold hearted mercenary. I love the sales profession and I enjoy great relationships with my clients. Sales is a rewarding career; I enjoy the thrill of making the sale and then being able to provide a valuable service to my clients. Sales is also fuel for my life. It provides the income I want in order to live the life I want. In summary, I can get my financial and professional needs met in sales - but NOT MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS.

Let's explore the "what" and "why" of our thinking in regards to emotions and sales. If you don't have someplace in your life where you know without a doubt you will receive unconditional love, then you will probably end up looking for love in all the wrong places. For many people, that wrong place is sales. This is not as far fetched as it sounds. I recently spoke with a young lady who was being treated poorly by a lot of her prospects. They talked down to her, criticized her prices, never gave definitive answers, and would not tell her where she stood with them. She felt like she was always in a subservient position to these prospects and had unwittingly bought into the notion that she needed to put up with this in order to make sales. The good news is that she was making a decent living but she knew she could be more successful and she knew she wanted to feel more comfortable in the sales process.

As we discussed her situation, it came to light that she had grown up with a very critical, very demanding father. All of her life he criticized her appearance, her weight, her abilities, and her performance. She received no affirmation from the very man who should have provided the unconditional love that every child needs. Result: Weak self-concept, lousy self-image, a belief system that says being abused during a sales call is OK, a high need for somebody to like her, an inability to ask tough questions for fear of upsetting the prospect, and an overall failure to be politely assertive. Bottom line? She's unwittingly trying to get her emotional needs met during her sales calls. All this from a woman who, on the surface, is professional, articulate, and attractive. How much more effective could she be if she adjusted her belief systems and had a suit of armor to protect her self-image during a sales call?

If you ever suffer from any of the sales maladies mentioned earlier, remember these rules to help you stay on task:

• Never become emotionally involved in a sales call.

• Selling is no place to get your emotional needs met.

• When prospects reject you, they're just saying no to your product.

• Having a lousy day in sales does not make you a lousy person.

• Don't confuse your self-image with your sales role success.

If you want to be all you can be in sales, recognize that it's a great profession, but one that will put you on an emotional roller coaster if you let it. Stay off that wild ride by leaving your emotions in the car during your sales calls. If you do that, you'll experience fewer heartaches and more trips to the bank!

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